Try to always remember

I'm a very "like to organized" and or "like to prepare" a lot of things..my good friend maybe be very true by saying that I'm like the Monica in Friends...
Now with this BIG PROJECT coming up...I ofcourse try to prepare as much as I can...her needs, crib, shirt, jumper, stroller, mattrass and whole other stuff...and even thinking of order online from amazon.com for things that I cant find here...
but hearing stories from people...I need to bare in mind, that at all times, I need to "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst"....yes....instead of preparing for her coming to this world to be cherished and to be taken care of, I also need to prepare for the worst...
if you hope tooo high, its going to be really hurt when you fall down....
Can I try to not loving this blessing inside me too much?
Should I start thinking the worst scenario could happen??

Cry for me Dont

Sometime...I can tell you whathever things in my mind...my opinions, my silliness, my anger, my sadness...and yet sometime, I can't...i have high expectations, i know...and I'm sorry for that...I'm sorry for my unlogical needs...for my silence "wants" and yet demanding you to know what i want...and for most, I'm sorry that i have made you cry for seeing me crying...
Its always amazed me knowing that there's someone care very much of me that tears can come out from his eyes because of seeing me hurt...I'm sorry for making the tears come out again..
I love you babe, I know I'm lucky and have to thank God for having you next to me...and i promise to try my best to always Thanking God for you in my 5 times everyday praying

What I think about something

Having a children itu adalah sebuah titipan yang penuh amanat...ibaratnya Allah mengatakan "nih ya...Saya titip ke kamu...nanti kapan2 saya akan ambil lagi...tapi inget lho..HARUS dijaga baek-baek, diurus baek2, dididik dengan benar dan JANGAN DITELANTARKAN...nanti Saya akan minta pertanggung jawabanmu"...
kita ga akan tau kapan Allah akan "mengambil" titipannya...
kita cuma tau kalau selama masih ada ditangan kita yaa harus kita pegang amanahnya...Anak bisa jadi ladang kita untuk mendapat kesempatan lebih banyak dalam menunjukkan bahwa diri kita "worth it" untuk di diridhoi, tapi bisa juga jadi alasan mengapa kita gagal dalam memegang amanah...berat memang...tapi it should be worth the shot..
Anak juga investasi menurut gue, karena dari anaklah ladang pahala kita bisa terus tersambung EVEN when we are resting in peace..alias meninggal...karena doa anak yg sholeh adalah satu dari 4 hal yang akan tetap "terhubung" amalannya kepada orang yang sudah meninggal dunia. (selain, ilmu yg diajarkan dan diamalkan, harta yg diwakafkan dan duh lupa satu lagi)...
maka dari itu..sungguh disayangkan kalau ada orang2 yang hidupnya baik di dunia..banyak beribadah, tapinya tidak memiliki anak sholeh yg bisa mendoakan dia..sehingga pahalanya hanya terbatas pada apa yg dia lakukan di dunia...dan sungguh beruntung orang yg hidupnya mungkin susah dan tidak sempat banyak beribadah, tapi punya anak yg sholeh dan ikhlas mendoakn dia sehingga dia masih mendapat berkah meski sudah dialam kubur...
pandangan gue mungkin salah...tapi hey..this is what i think...buat yang membaca, semoga bisa jadi manfaat...

What Happen Yesterday

Kemaren, hari gue dimulai dengan ketidak nyamanan dan ke hecttic an..
Bangun abis sahur jam 6:55 (padahal biasanya jam 7 udah berangkat) --> kesiangan
Di kamar mandi muntah2 lagi (anak gue nendang2 lagi kayaknya) --> batalin puasa
Berangkat MACET!!!
biasanya setelah Halimun jalanan cukup lancar...eehh tyt ampe shangrila macet nya ampun2 an...hampir sejam waktu kebuang disitu doang..
Masuk gerbang kantor udah jam 9 kurang 10 (padahal jam masuk kantor jam 8)
baru aja masuk eeh ngeliat bensin dah mau minimum..karena abis dari bengkel dan gue khawatir nanti dia mogok2 pas mau pulang, langsung gue cuma muter lobby kantor dan keluar lagi..menuju Pejompongan buat ngisi bensin...
Nyampe pom bensin kepikiran mau ngisi berapa,...eeh baru inget belum ngambil duit..cuma ada GOCENG di dompet...ampe parkir dulu di situ trus ngubek2 tas dan jaket dan lain2...dan uang yang terkumpul adalah 20 ribu rupiah...busyetttt...yaaaahh mau kata apalagi...begitu mas2 nya nanya "mau ngisi berapa bu?"
dengan tampang memelas dan siap2 malu gue jawab "20 ribu aja dulu deh mas...uangnya ketinggalan"
hhhh....minimal mencegah mobil mogok dulu deeehh...nanti pas pulang baru ngisi lagi...
udah gitu ampe kantor ngebaca email cyustomer yg menyebalkaannnnn....
ya Allah...kesabaran tuh bener2 diuji...cuma minimal bisa ngemil sebagai pelampiasan...karena muntah2 paginya....
di kantor pun kerjaan kayak ga ada abisnya...ampe jadi sensi dan pas suami nelpon jadi gampang bete...(bahkan ampe sekarang masih belum ilang keselnya)...padahal suami lagi ga ada di sini...apa justru karena dia ga ada makanya gue tambah kesel yaaa.... :(
tiba tiba dah jam 5 sore aja...30 menit lagi menuju tempat buk ber orang kantor...nyampe sana..makan sekenyangnya dan jalan balik ke kantor lalu pulang...
sampe rumah....aaahhhhhh....enaknya diatas kasur sendiri....

Kemajuan Teknologi

huehehe...judulnya sih kesannya keren...padahal mah mau ngebahas ini doang...
thanks to Technology I can "meet" my baby daughter (99,9% chance its a girl)...even for a while and even when she didnt really show us her face yet...
Ada videonya...tapi kegedean..jadi ini aja yaa...

idungnya gede...dan bibirnya tebel...kalau Neneknya bilang dia lebih mirip bapaknya daripada emaknya...hiks hiks...yaah gapapalah..daripada mirip Bule, ntar selingkuhan gue ketahuan laki gue dooongg (GA MUNGKIN JUGA GUE SELINGKUH AMA BULE!)

Latest status, beratnya waktu 25w dan 4d adalah 920 gram...padahal...dibuku2 dan di forum pregnany amrik itu week segitu harusnya sekitar 750 - 820gr...huehehehe...bakat nduut...cuma dokter jadinya nyuruh gue nurunin konsumsi karbohidrat dan banyakin protein ama sayur..sementara neneknya nyuruh emaknya menghentikan konsumsi es krim...huehehehhee...

Yaahh...intinya...everyday sun is shining, the more i cant wait to see the baby...but I also have to prepare for the worst..as God's "testing" can come anytime anywhere anyhow...

Renungan Kemarin

Entah gimana ceritanya…
Hari ini dimulai dengan baca2 blog orang…
Dan tiba tiba jadi terpikir untuk menulis juga, mensyukuri nikmat yg kecil2…
Karena sepertinya sudah terlalu sering gue mengeluhkan hidup sehingga terlupakan Rejeki dan hikmah yang sudah Tuhan berikan
Wanna know what I complain about?...mostly my job…my status here and how the future in this company will bring me…or..should I choose to move?
Sebenernya udah semaksimal mungkin berupaya untuk berpasrah aja…ber”tenang” aja dengan segala ketidak pastian yang ada…Cuma setiap kali timbul segala ketidak senangan dengan situasi yang ada sekarang, maka keinginan itu pun muncul lagi…suami sempat berkata…”masak hal seperti ini saja kamu nyerah…sudah harusnya kamu bersyukur karena masih punya kerjaan yang tempatnya enak…digaji layak, administrasi jelas…coba bandingkan dengan tempat Uda kerja…ga ada slip gaji…asuransi ga jelas, perpanjang kontrak terus…gaji sangat ga layak dicompare dengan profit yg mereka dapet”….
Tarik nafaaaaass….hembuskan….benerkah gue tidak bersyukur?...
Mungkin memang benar…kalaupun sulit untuk mensyukuri hikmah saat hati dan tenaga mulai mengerjakan tugas secara tidak sepenuh hati, mungkin lebih baik kalau gue mencoba mensyukuri dari hal2 yang memang sering terlupakan untuk disyukuri…
In no particular order…
Gue bersyukur karena masih sehat…tidak sakit2..
gue bersyukur karena anak gue masih suka nendang2…so at least I know she is there living her life inside the belly
Gue bersyukur masih punya suami dan selama proses kehamilan ditemani suami, walau kadang suka pergi keluar kota, minimal mostly dia masih ada disamping gue..
Gue bersyukur keluarga semua masih sehat2…
gue bersyukur masih punya teman2 yang bisa dijadikan tempat bercurah
Gue bersyukur masih bisa bernafas sehingga masih ada waktu untuk beribadah..mencoba menebus kesalahan2 fatal di masa lalu dan mungkin masa depan…
Gue bersyukur masih ada kemampuan dan simpanan uang sedikit sehingga tidak perlu pusing tujuh keliling memikirkan biaya melahirkan..insya Allah masih kebayar meski bukan yang mewah
Ini adalah yang jelas2 terlihat…belum all the small things that could possibly happen..seperti

I hope you read this

Its always amazing to see how people change in such (relatively) short time…
We may haven’t seen them for quite a while….we used to know whatever things happen in her life…but then.
Can we blame ourselves for not being there for them when they feel all those factors making them change?
Can I blame my self for not telling her that she has done wrong and she need to fix it?
Can I blame my self for being a person that I am who whenever some thing wrong happen I will directly tell and advice my opinion on it?
She cant tell me her secret coz she fear of me…
So instead she just keep on silent…letting herself deeper into the wrong path she made.
She don’t have any boundaries now...and that what makes her path go even to more wrong.
I wonder whats in her mind? Does she feel that she is already a bad girl by already having lost her virginity and then its not the only time she have sex? And is this what leads her to what she become today?
Or does she really feels comfortable of what she become right now?...but if she does…why would she never smoke in front of me and the rest of the gangs?
I love her and I care for her…and that’s why I always have the urge to tell her “hey!...i know what u have done in the past…I know that you have been lying to me that day…But don’t mind that...now You have to realize he has been a BAD influence in your life!...YOU have change a lot…aren’t you feel sorry for your mom and dad? Are you comfortable living in lies?Please…think again about your life…we never getting younger…and death is always watching over us…aren’t you afraid at all?”
I really really want to say those words…but I cant…
Why do a lot of people living in lies?
I’m not a saint…I also make mistakes…But I try my best to fix it…and that’s why I’m married now…So I wont make that mistakes anymore…

Embracing the pain....

I'm only 7 weeks pregnant...yet a lot of uneasyness and hardness...un-comfortable things already happen to me...
This may be a complain...but its also a form of worriness...is it normal...is it okay for him or her...
even the tiniest pain makes me wondering whats happen down there...
but then a good friend remind me...
Just embrace it...dont worry too much...u'll child will tell you if something wrong...
embrace the pain...enjoy it...coz doesnt it the main reason why heaven is under our feet?
and I suddenly remember one ayat

"Dan Kami perintahkan kepada manusia (berbuat baik) kepada dua orang ibu-bapanya; ibunya telah mengandungnya dalam keadaan lemah yang bertambah-tambah, dan menyapihnya dalam dua tahun. Bersyukurlah kepadaKu dan kepada dua orang ibu bapakmu, hanya kepada-Kulah kembalimu.” (Al Qur’an, 31:14)

Then its already being predicted...being pregnant will make u weaker...
and now...i remember my Mom....my dearest mom...

She gone through the same thing when having me and my 3 other siblings...
I would say only female that can really understand how big our debt is to our mom...because female also having the same experience when she get pregnant
Love u mom....

So to summarize it....Just embrace the uneasyness and discomfortness....its worth it..

Newbie!!!

There’s a newbie in Da House…
He followed me wherever I go…
Sometime he made me sick and don’t want to eat
And Sometime he made me eat too much

But I need to be very careful of what I eat :(
Cant eat sushi…I love them
Cant eat too much sweet food….I love chocolates
Have to drink a lot of milk….

We called him “Kaka”
Hoping there will be “adek-adek”
We talk to him a lot at night…
Especially my husband….
We try to listen to him at night…

Every pray that I have after Sholat…
Is to have “Kakak” Safe, Health, and Perfect…
5 Weeks and counting :)

Doakan yaaa :)

Ayat -ayat Cinta ..The Movie

Okay...dengan malu gue nyatakan kalau gue belum baca novelnya...ga sempet...ampe sekarang aja ada kali 10 buku yang udah gue beli dari kapan tau tapi ampe sekarang belum dibaca...
and pada saat gue ada waktu untuk baca, ternyata buku yg punya adek gue itu lagi dipinjem Tante gue...dan saat tante ku janji mau kembalikan saat nikahan gue..eeh tyt dipinjem ama keponakan tetangganya karena dia lagi tanggung buat skripsi nya...dduuuhh susah bener...akhirnya karena ga sabar...beli lagi deh tuh buku...semoga ga jadi mubazir....

Anyway..sebelum baca buku itu, (yg beli suami bukan gue) kita berdua plus mama nonton tuh film...kenapa sama Mama? karena mama pengen banget nonton nih fim karena dia suka banget ama Bukunya...dan Mama itu tergolong orang yg jarang mau nonton bioskop..eeh selai itu kemarennya dia pas mau nonton di Megaria tyt ga kebagian tiket padahal di Megaria udah 2 studio...so..there we are the three of us...Mertua, Anak dan Menantu :)

And I enjoy this movie Very much...and one thing That (at least for now) yang akan gue inget selalu (mungkin kata-katanya beda ama di Buku) yaitu :
"Sabar dan Ikhlas.....Islam adalah tentang Sabar dan Ikhlas"

First post as a Married Women

I’m a house wife now….
But haven’t feel like one because still have no house :P
Am living with my parent still…

Sometime I wonder why my husband don’t expect too much from me in taking care of him or his daily needs such as preparing breakfast, preparing his working outfit, serving him dinner….but at other time, he can be very demanding on other things even to the smallest such as : bringing him a glass of water!...

Oh well..we are still newly weds… lots of learning and adjusting…just walk day by day

Big Tummy Policemen

I have this weird principle in my brain that if a traffic or street policemen, face with age around 25 – 35 but already have a very BIG tummy (only tummy, not body) then most likely he is a corrupted policemen or a “I’m accepting bribe from the traffic offenders” kind of policemen…

Kenapa gue berpikir seperti itu?
Karena pada dasarnya kan yg namanya polisi lalu lintas tugasnya di jalan…naah harusnya perutnya kecil2 aja dong…
Laen halnya kalau orang kantoran yg kerja di belakang meja…seperti what most fresh grad become or what most “newly employed”…karena ga biasa olah raga dan selama di kantoran duduk melulu…seperti suami ku :P

Anyway…menurut gue perut buncit para policemen itu adalah karena makanan tidak halal nya dia…
Call me a sok tau…karena memang gue ga bilang ini faktanya…di awal judul juga dah gue bilang…its only my weird principle :P